BAD blogger

I'm a bit embarrassed at how long ago my last post was. I'm going to make it my resolution this year from this point forward to at least do a post a month. Our lives aren't very exciting, but I'm sure I can find some things to post. Keep your eyes peeled!

Merry Christmas!

See...I told you I'd be better. :)

I can't believe Christmas is upon us. It seems like this year flew by quicker than the last, if that's possible. I'm hurriedly preparing the last batch of Howell-style puppy chow for the next few days worth of celebrations. The tree is trimmed, the stockings are hung, the gifts are wrapped...and while I love spending time with family, I'm ready for the holidays to be over. This time of year is always most stressful...and depressing with the grey, dreary weather, and the feeling of being broke at year's end. Why are bills always due when you already feel like you're barely going to make it through money-wise? We tried to be more budget-concious this year. I'm guessing more people were considering the economic climate. But I do love giving gifts, so I search for the bargains and brave the crowds on Black Friday to be sure to get something for everyone that fits their wants and needs. Let's hope I guessed right this year!

As it hovers just above freezing outside, I'm wondering if this will be a white Christmas after all. It would be pretty, but it worries me with lots of family and friends traveling. I hope you all make it to where you need to be safely! If it does turn out to be a white Christmas, we can just take back all the gifts we got little miss Lola (just kidding)...she'd think the snow was an answered prayer. She LOVES it. Can't get enough of it. Let's see if Lola's wishes come true over night.

I came home last Friday to bake some cookies for our neighbors who live behind us. They're really good people, and the dad, Mark has fallen ill again after what we thought was a recovery. It breaks my heart to see such bad things happen to such good people. I wanted to show them we were thinking about them and offer our support, so I baked up a little family of sugar cookies (dog included) to take over to them with our phone numbers in case there were to ever need any help around the house. After all, we're just across the alley. Jeff ran them over and caught up with them as we hadn't talked in a little while. With the left over dough, I made a sugar cookie version of our own sweet little family. This is how it turned out.

Last year for our family gift exchange with the Grays, Amanda gave me a photo she had taken of our great grandmothers Christmas ornaments, I put it out in the dining room. I put some more of what I believe to be my great grandma Bea's old ornaments next to it. I love the colors and shapes of vintage ornaments. So pretty. I felt like it was an appropriate place since that's where I keep all of the dishes my grandmothers have given me and the furniture in that room was purchased with money that dad had given me from Mom and Grandma and Grandpa Howell. I hope to finish the room early in the new year. We'll be painting the bottom 1/3 white and add some framed boxes and chair rail and painting the top portion a deep grey/slate color. But of course, I'll need the master carpenter Chad's help with that. I'll have to check his schedule for his earliest availability. :)

Here are a few pics of our kids trying (being forced) to get in the holiday spirit...

And here are a few shots of the tree and our stockings hung by the chimney with care.

Hope this holiday season finds you well. We wish you the merriest Christmas and good tidings in the new year!

With love,

The Abernathys

I'll try to be better...

It's been quite some time since I last posted. Life's been crazy busy as usual, but I know I can't use that excuse forever, right?

I can't believe Christmas is knocking on our door already. This last year seems to have flown by. We've both been working two jobs each since we got married...which I have to admit has taken away some quality time for the two of us to spend together. I did find out in recent weeks, however, that I'll finally be going down to one job. West Elm announced its closing here in KC. I'm sad to see a store I really like go, but am happy to say goodbye to that extra commitment (and hello to more nights at home with Jeff). The job there has been a blessing. We've managed to furnish our house with the discount that I have there. And we're nearing the end of our project list for things to do around the house. I'll post pics soon of what we have so far. We have yet to paint and detail the dining room, as well as paint the master bath. I might get to the master bath over Christmas break...we'll see. :)

We've had a rough time as "parents" lately with Guster. He's been one sick kitty since last spring and has been really difficult to figure out and try to treat. He's been to several different vets, and as of late, a chiropractor. His back end shakes uncontrollably and non-stop. It's really hard to watch. It didn't start doing that until after he'd been diagnosed with IBD (inflammatory bowel disease) last February. Everything with him starts to blur together. I'm betting it was sometime over the summer that the shaking began. It looks as if he has Parkinson's in his hips. Poor little guy. He's the sweetest little kitty and so social with everyone. It just breaks my heart that he has to go through anything like this.

Isn't he handsome?

In the spring, we noticed he was having issues going to the bathroom and he began using our dining room as his own open-air litter box. It was and has been frustrating. I'd been coming home from work every day to clean the carpet. He's managed to ruin a big rug, some drapes, the baseboards and the carpet (we'll have to replace it/remove it much sooner than we had planned). I knew that something was out of his control and we continued to take him to vet after vet with no luck in finding a treatment that would get his intestines working properly and/or get his bathroom issues resolved. So as one last attempt at finding a solution (at least for his shaking) and to determine whether or not we should put him down to save him from suffering, we took him to get a chiropractic adjustment. Believe me, I thought it was a little crazy too, but it seemed like a better use of time and money than taking him in for tests that would put us out at least a thousand dollars and offer us no treatment. The chiropractor was very nice and helpful and actually cared enough to check back in on Gus and refer us to a vet in Lenexa that uses both traditional vet med and holistic healing. We took Guster to see her the day before Thanksgiving. She confirmed that his shaking was caused by a degenerative and progressive neurological/spinal disease. It's incurable and he'll shake for as long as he's alive. We've been told that he's not in pain from the shaking and that his main issue remained his IBD. She suggested we make a GIANT custom litter box to see if we could retrain him and get him to stop using our dining room to go to the bathroom. I knew I couldn't go everyday for what could be several more years of cleaning up cat messes...especially when we start a family in the future. Nor could we bear to see him not as himself.

Our sweet, shaky little man...

So, Jeff bought the largest Rubbermaid plastic storage container he could find and I cut a hole in it so that he could walk in at zero clearance. The idea is that he could walk in and comfortably go without being confined by the walls of a normal-sized litter box. He can only go to the bathroom standing up fully now because his hips have gotten so bad. Low and behold, it's actually working!!!! He's now (save the very few accidents he's had in the last few weeks) using it full-time and has allowed our dining room to return to its original purpose. We couldn't be happier! Although we knew there must have been a reason he wasn't using any one of his 3 litter boxes before, it was very frustrating and hard to take at times. It seems that we're finally getting him back on track. He's eating a little more with the medicine he's just been put on for his IBD, so hopefully he'll start packing on the pounds that he's lost since this all began. He's quite skinny. If we can get him stable with regard to his intestinal issues, his weight, and if he continues to use his tailor-made litter box, the only thing that won't have been resolved is his shaking. That is sad to watch, but as long as he's not in pain, we're happy to get to keep him with us a little bit longer. There have been many days these past several weeks that I was sure we'd have to put him down. I'd break down at the thought of it. We still may much sooner than a normal healthy cat, but for now he's with us. :) I only hope he's as happy as we are about that. We love our little man...

Guster's HUGE tailor-made litter box

Aside from all the goings on with Gus, we've been preparing for the holidays and spending as many cold winter nights as we can together by the fire with our babies. I'm not a fan of winter, but I love how snuggly we all get just to stay warm and cozy. I'll do my best to get some pics up of our tree and the stockings hung by the fire (with care) now that we know we'll have 4 this year as we'd hoped. I didn't want to hang Guster's only to take it down if we'd had to put him down. I'm so glad we were able to hang it.

Until next time...which I PROMISE will be soon...really... :)

Updates on the house

Jeff and I have managed to make our house a home bit by bit as the last year has passed...but not without the help of our dads and Chad. We owe much of the end results to them, their hard work, and their willingness to appease my pickiness and attention to detail. ;) The biggest project yet has been the amazing deck they all helped us build in prepartation for the 4th of July. I wanted an outdoor space that would accomodate a large group of family and friends that would be coming to remember Mom on the first anniversary of her death this year. Jeff and I also wanted a space outside where we could comfortably entertain and hang with Lola. We've already taken advantage of the new space on many occasions and look forward to this weekend where many of our closest friends and family will join us for a bbq and fireworks in honor of Mom. As you'll see in the pictures, the back yard came equipped with a small concrete slab that didn't hold more that a few chairs and our grill. The transformation that took place is exactly what I had always pictured the space could become. It's functional and simple with a few special touches that set it apart from our neighbors' decks. Chad obliged and constructed a custom flower box that is set into the surface of the deck and Dad went to a lot of effort to wire the lights at both ends of the stairs and the spotlight on Mom's tree. It looks gorgeous at night. It took about 3 weekends worth of work in May to complete, but all their hard work paid off ten-fold. We are so grateful to have such talented men in our families that are happy to help us along the way. We put the fence in last fall after adopting Lola.

This is the only "before" picture we took as Chad was marking and cutting for our footings.
The boys with their dads. :)
The finished product! They executed my design perfectly!
The custom flower box with soaker hose built-in. I'll post pics of what it looks like now with our pretty flowers. :)
With our furniture from West Elm...man, that discount comes in handy. :)
The comfy chairs by Mom's tree.
And finally, a pic at night with the light on.

Did the boys do a good job, or what?!?!?! We're so proud of our fabulous deck! Thanks dads and Chaddy Ryan! The upcoming posts will show some other updates we've done to the house since we moved in in November of 2007.

It's About Time...

I have to apologize for not keeping this up to date as promised previously. I can't believe it's almost been a year since I last posted. After Mom passed last July, I had a hard time finding as much importance in the day-to-day activities. Nothing seemed as monumental or deserving of attention in comparison to her death. It's taken me a while to become more comfortable with the fact that she's not here. I still miss her terribly and long to talk to her and see her smiling face again, but I know that she'll always be with me, a part of me, a part of everything. I still have my difficult days where I miss her more, where some small thing sparks a memory of her or propels me into a flashback of last 4th of July. I've had more and more flashbacks lately...likely because the anniversary of her passing is so near. I have regrets (though I know I shouldn't) and they still linger in the back of my mind. I wish I had listened more, shut her out less in the busy times, visited when she asked me to stop by "just to talk". I wish I had reiterated to her just how important she was to me, and how proud I was of her for fighting for so long for us, and how much I loved her and loved having her for a mom.


Mother's day was tough this year, but spending time with Chad and Dad helped to soften the blow that she was actually gone. We planted flowers at Dad's house together for her in a memorial garden. It's something we plan to do every year for her on Mother's Day to leave something beautiful to grow for her and for us to see. Jeff and I also planted flowers at our house and will do so every year as well. There's just something about taking care of flowers that's therapeutic. It's like we're making a physical effort to show her we're thinking of her and miss her, and she reciprocates by making the flowers bloom for us. (That's how I like to think of it anyway.)

Mom's birthday fell on Memorial Day weekend like last year. My wonderfully supportive friends knew it would be on my mind as we were to be on our annual lake trip that weekend. My friend, Kate, thought up a beautiful way to remember mom...and when she told me what she had planned it brought tears to my eyes. Mom loved sunsets and water (mainly the ocean, but I'm sure lakes would do too). Kate had the idea to take the boat out at sunset and release balloons for Mom. Turns out that it was rainy and overcast that night, but when we got out on the water, there wasn't another boat to be seen. It was so still and quiet...absolutely beautiful. We went out to a small cove that was completely surrounded by trees. Jeff and I walked to the front of the boat in silence to release the pink balloons that Kate had brought. We all wrote messages to Mom on them, much like she had done just over a year previous at a breast cancer event at Menorah Medical Center. As Jeff and I turned to face the other direction, there was a small clearing in the clouds where a hint of the pink sunset shone through. I let go of the cluster of pink balloons and we all watched in complete silence as they drifted away and out of sight. It couldn't have been more perfect. The only sounds were those of the frogs and birds surrounding us and the movement of trees from rain that was just on the shore. We all rode back in awe of how incredible the moment was. As David said, "Someone must have pulled in a few favors." I am so grateful to have such good friends who have supported me over this last year. I am truly blessed. After we returned to the house, we all filed inside and the girls began to prepare strawberry shortcake. I had to count myself out because it brought back so many memories of the day Mom passed. Dad had prepared strawberries for Mom as dessert for that night. He said that she was really excited about them...almost like a kid would be when they knew something good was coming. :) As they cut the strawberries in the kitchen, I looked out the window to see that just across the lake, fireworks were going off. I now see fireworks as having extra special meaning and symbolism. Since Mom passed on the 4th, I can't help but associate them with her and her freedom from illness and pain. They're so beautiful and captivating...much like sunsets. We plan to set off fireworks every 4th in honor and remembrance of her.

I know this post is getting to be long, so I think I'll end it here. I do plan to try and catch everyone up on what's happened in the last year and move forward. I know that not much, if anything, will be as significant as losing Mom...but I also know that life must go on. Happiness must go on. Joy must be found in the day-to-day happenings...because of her and for her. So, I'll do my best to keep this up as the days, months, and years pass. I've come to realize that family and friends are all that really matter, so what better than to keep myself more connected by sharing my life with those I hold most dear...

Stay tuned.

In Loving Memory of Mom

Tamera J. Howell

May 24, 1958 - July 4, 2008

Today is bittersweet. Today marks the one year anniversary of our wedding day. While I'm proud of how far Jeff and I have come over our first year of marriage (both employed with good companies, in our own new house, and happy with Guster and Lola), I'm saddened by the passing of my mother. Mom lost her battle on July 4th. She died at home in her bed. We'd like to believe she passed peacefully in her sleep. It was strangely sudden and unexpected. We've been preparing ourselves for this for years, but somehow didn't really expect it to happen so soon.

Mom was a fighter. In 1995, she was diagnosed with Vasculitus (a rare auto immune disease). Shortly after, she was diagnosed with Epilepsy. She had suffered from seizures all of her life, but they had gone unnoticed until we discovered it was no longer safe for her to drive. Chad and I grew up quickly. We learned to drive at an early age so that Mom wouldn't endanger others and herself on the road. In her later weeks and months of life, they became debilitating. In 2005, Mom was given the devastating blow that she had breast cancer. She went through and extensive round of surgeries and treatments. Her poor body just couldn't keep up. Over the years, she lost her mobility and energy and rarely was able to make it to traditional family functions. She spent Christmas this past year, as well as her 50th birthday party in bed - not feeling well. Most people had a hard time understanding why she closed herself off. Those of us who knew her well and all that she went through on a daily basis...the simple tasks that became major struggles...knew that she couldn't help it and wanted nothing more than to be healthy and with us. It just wasn't fair for her to endure all that she went through. She fought every day for us. Her goal, her wish, was to be able to see all of her kids get married and start families. She wanted so badly to be able to scoop up a grandbaby and smother them with hugs and kisses. She was fortunate enough to see her first grandchild, Mackenzie, from time to time. Mom loved her so...

She always made sure we knew just how much we were loved. She loved her family with all her heart and soul. She was a wonderful, giving spirit that this world must now live without. She had a kind and generous heart. She was silly and stubborn, funny and determined. She was quite a force to be reckoned with, and she will be missed dearly.

Mom was so very stubborn. I'd like to say that she is where I get my hard-headedness and fight. The morning of the 4th, Jeff and I stopped by the house to drop off and pick up a few things. I shared with Mom and Dad a few pictures of Mackenzie's first steps from the previous weekend. We talked a while and laughed with her about a few random things. She talked about how she'd never forget the way we looked the day we got married a year before. She also told Jeff that she knew from the very first minute she saw him that he was "the one." We'll forever cherish that now. She gave me tips on how to hide things that I bought from Jeff...she said he wouldn't know the difference. :) Before we left to go run errands, she insisted that she give us an anniversary gift. I told her it wasn't necessary, but she wouldn't let it go. In her weak, meager handwriting, she wrote a check to Jeff and I. She wanted to give us paper for our first...because that's the traditional gift. She asked that we put it towards furniture for the house. Although it felt strange, we deposited the check today...for Mom. We'll buy something for the house from her and we'll cherish it forever. She was so giving...and so stubborn. I was fortunate enough to hug her one last time and tell her I loved her. I only wish I had held on tighter and longer and said "I love you" with more conviction so she knew how much I meant it.

Jeff and I are heading downtown for dinner tonight to a restaurant called Seven. Our reservations are at 7:00. Silly, I know, but it made Mom laugh. Our gift to each other is a fence for the back yard so that Lola (our new puppy) can play. Other than that, we'll just take it easy. I'll continue to think about Mom and all she did for Jeff and I over the years. Mom and Dad gave us a beautiful wedding for which we'll always be grateful.

I miss Mom so much already. I miss her laugh, her smile, her sillyness, and most of all her friendship. She was and always will be my best friend. I know I'll always be able to tell her anything. And I know she'll be waiting for my next ridiculous story that will hopefully bring laughter to her heart and fulfillment to mine.

Thank you all so much for all your kind thoughts and prayers. We're blessed to have such a great support system of friends and family to help us through this very difficult time. We appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

Mom's service will take place at 6:00 pm on Thursday July 10, 2008 at Charter Funeral home off of Shawnee Mission Pkwy. We hope to give Mom the tribute and attention she deserved while she was still with us.

07.07.07

So sorry it's been so long since the last post...life just doesn't slow down when you want it to! It's about time I bring you up to the wedding day. (Especially since our 1 year anniversary is coming up so soon!)

After dating for over 6 years, I was lucky enough to get to marry my one true love and best friend. Jeff and I were married on the most popular wedding day in 2007. Some did it for luck, some did it for superstition, but I chose that particular date for the ease of use in design aesthetics. I know, I know...but that's just the designer in me...and Jeff wasn't opposed to it. Black, white, and champagne were our colors, Calla Lilies were the flowers, and the wedding and reception had more of a modern look/feel overall. We were married at Jeff's grandma's (Deeda's) church on the Country Club Plaza in Kansas City, Missouri. Community Christian Church is well known in the design community as a Frank Lloyd Wright structure. It's not the typical church with stained glass windows. It's a large, irregularly-shaped white building across the street from the horse fountain in the heart of the plaza. Jeff and I spent many a plaza lightings and Easter Sundays there, so it seemed fitting to reserve that special place for our ceremony. Our home church just wasn't the type for weddings. Our reception took place at a historic barn in Lenexa.

We took our wedding party pictures at the Bloch Building/Nelson Art Gallery. It was super hot that day, but the wedding party did us proud and we ended up with some really good pictures.

The wedding party. Don't we all clean up nice?

Some of just us girls:

And some of just the guys:

This one was their idea...they were so proud.

Here's the last photo I'll put up for this post. More from the ceremony and reception to come soon. I PROMISE!!! All wedding images are copyright of Bendet Photography. Visit his website to see some of our engagement pics and wedding pics. http://www.bendetphotography.com

Our pretty cake...